Those Darn Zebras

Being frustrated, annoyed or angry with someone at work is one of the most common experiences. These feelings often lead us to familiar complaint, followed by a question. "I wish that person thought or acted differently! Why can't they just change?"

Here's the hard truth:

1. If they thought or acted differently, they would be more like you and that would dilute the effectiveness of the team.

2. Just like zebras, people rarely, if ever, change their stripes.

So where does that leave you? Well, one option is to ask yourself, "Is there a possibility that me wanting that person to change is part of the problem?" It might be a powerful question to ask yourself, especially if your initial response to it is, "Of course not!"

If you are courageous enough to look in the mirror, you may find that the only one you really have the power to change is looking right back at you. Heard this before and rolled your eyes? And, to take it a step further, if you engage in self-reflective work of any kind, you'll also realize that changing your own stripes is almost as impossible as changing someone else's. Talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Trite as it may sound, what is most amenable to change is the way in which you respond to your and others' stripes. Do you approach people's stripes with an attitude, an air of superiority, an assumption of inferiority, or a chip on your shoulder? That's where meaningful, impactful work is begging to be done--work that makes you better at what you do, easier to be with, more collaborative and even inspirational. The down side is....well, I actually can't think of one.